The tears returned again today.
Its been so long since I last cried I almost forgot what it felt like. I think i've shed so many tears when I was too young that as time passed, I forgot their value. But then those weren't really tears, I think tears mean different things at different ages. At that age, all they meant was that I was afraid and it was the most natural way to release.
Enough chids of "Ladkay nahin rotay!", and it almost became like a mantra. Fear is not an emotion that should lead to crying...tears are too important to waste on fear. But at thirteen you are to young to diffrentiate, so I just stopped crying altogether. I wasn't the smartest cookie on the block.
It's easier to be indifferent, if we actually started to feel...I think we wouldn't be able to stop crying. It feels so good, and all it took was children singing in a language that I could not understand. Maybe we misplace the importance of words, they are after all just spoken feelings. The feelings make you cry.
I used to think that there is so much sorrow in this world, that if I took a moment to breathe it all in, I would just drown in tears. Isn't that how everyone thinks now? A genocide in Africa - not my business. Children dying in Iraq - atleast mine are safely at school. Earthquakes in Asia - good thing i'm all the way over on the other side. The Other Side.
Yet today someone said something...no someone said something a decade ago, I just heard it today. Do we feel shame any longer? Can indifference be drowned in it? There are people that have so much on their platter, that I would not blame them for not helping. And then there is the rest of us, and we don't feel shame any longer. This is not about blame, it's about realizing what we've become.
Why should the west step up and right all the wrongs? Because they can. Why should I feel shame, if I didn't do anything wrong, when my only crime is indifference? Because I could. I just didn't realize...I was so busy looking for the 'answer' that I shut my eyes tight. The shame should be my badge of dishonour to wear. I can't change everything, but i'm not insignificant. This isn't a 'You can make a difference' rant, it's a message to myself to never stop being myself.
You say that we have no say. Maybe we don't, but how will I know until I try. I have to. You have to.
Ni ryari izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Nduzaricyeza ricyeza.
When will the sun rise again?
Who will reveal it "to" us again?
I will.
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3 comments:
Are you entering politics? ^o)
Make a difference every day of your life, fa-la-la. As long as you can chalk up a good deed every once in a while, you're doing pretty well. By the standards of this world.
As you get older, it's easier to cry at things less connected to you. Closer to your heart, you must needs be stronger. ^_^
the bravest of brave men cry. you should watch 'the end of times' by Dr. Shahid. Changes your life.
:) ...thats all I can do right now.... Never thought I'll see the light of day when I hear a guy say somethign like that! haha
...You've gained alot of respect in my eyes, the last few years...lets just say you jumped a notch further up.. ;)
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