What I Am to You

Slow and soft, music and words are best said that way. Especially words spoken under the illusion of love. A pessimistic smiles at my comment, a knowing smile shared by two aqquaintances which have shared a greater truth. I bet he's confused when he sees me smiling back...not at him, but instead through him. I fear for people who think they've guessed the game to early, they miss out on the best twists.

Love is an illusion, simply because it is nothing substantial. It is not life, not desire, not a volcano nor the sea. You have to find what it is for you and maybe we can share the knowing smile that the pessimist was attempting to share with me. When you find it, you'll find out that you might not have wanted it but never the less you can't go back to being ignorant. Once opened to the sun, your eyes can't just go back to seeing in the dark.

You'll never find what you're looking for because you're not looking for anything. If you think there is a scarcity of intelligent, charming and beautiful out there then I suggest you take the blindfolds off because they are everywhere. Yet still, why can't we find what we look for? It's all present in the beautiful mistep of your first love and if you've never had one then you can stop kidding yourself.

If you can remember back far enough in your memory to barely recall her (excuse me ladies) then consider yourself blessed. If the memory still burns deep like a dormant volcano then allow me be the first to say: 'Don't worry, it's not going to get any better.' But if you can remember at all, then you know of the illusion that I spoke of because you conjoured it once...you know you did.

The illusion constructed that you would never find someone else. That this was the single most momentous time in your life. That you would always remember her scent. That you would never be able to move on. That she is and would always be The One for you. The kind of stuff bred in by repeated listenings of Black when hurt. The Catch 22 being that if you believed it, the illusion took on a life of its own. It was true, simply because you cannot deny something that you want to believe that bad. An illusion that powerful sometimes doesn't shatter, it can perpetuate into a living thing that haunts you in moments when you just want the world to move on without you.

If you're still fascinated by the pretty lights, you're a very lucky man. Grab a parachute while you can, it can be a long fall from those heights. If you're smiling, just hold it for one breath because we're not quite there yet.

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

You were fighting a losing game because you were looking for the wrong answer. Even now, if you're looking to break the illusion you're on the wrong track. If you allow the illusion to exist then you can live within it. Within time, it will become your truth. The greatest of mountains were seabeds once and just like that, you'll realize that you want the illusion to exist so that you can act like the matyr who saw the sun for a brief moment. No one gets hurt, we all get what we want and if you have the courage to see that the illusion is the next best thing, then you'll find the courage to turn your mountains back into a sea.